I have been reading, researching and trying to decide what I want my blog to be about. Really I have been procrastinating.
I have always wanted to be a writer, ever since I was a child and read everything I could get my hands on, including cereal boxes and my grandfather’s trashy novels. I have written and created many newsletters of different types but still didn’t consider myself a writer because I hadn’t been “published” (although I think the internet could be considered being “published” now).
So what was holding me back from actually writing a blog and finding freelance writing work? Fear! False Evidence Appearing Real! The voice from my childhood telling me I could never be a writer, that I wouldn’t amount to anything, and all the other lies that I believed for so very long. And yet I have written many things and although the may not have been “published” in the literary world, I have to step through the fear and begin to put myself out there. So this is the commencement of something I started long ago but was afraid to voice.
I tried digging around to discover what EXACTLY was holding me back and how to fight it. What I discovered was that it didn’t matter what was holding me back; I couldn’t fight it; the only thing I could do was acknowledge the FEAR and walk through it.
This is the walking through it. The acceptance of the fear and the unknown, being OK with being vulnerable at times but finding the courage to step into it anyway. It’s ok if it’s not perfect, or a piece of literary noteworthiness; there is something inside of me that can no longer stay in the shadow of fear that must be birthed.
And so this is the beginning of the birthing process; the contractions have begun and there is no stopping it now!